you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
