he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
