Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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