bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Your cock deserves a montage
You made out with two different species that night
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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