How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize