i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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