Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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