it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
