i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Randomize