I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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