FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Congratulations! We have a period
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