At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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