I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
God I need to hump something, right now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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