so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
