I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
