I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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