some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
