I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You ruined the universe
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize