the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
