Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
