I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize