East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm like, not good at living.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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