I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
