Tell her she can't have a vagina
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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