I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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