Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
