Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
