just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize