when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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