I CAN MOONWALK!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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