if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just forgot I was standing up.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
