Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
