I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize