Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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