smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
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