yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
