I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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