yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
