i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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