There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
