Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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