so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
