Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
