Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
