So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize