everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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