I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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