i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize