i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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