He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
