just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Of course I have a pirate flag
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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