Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
