I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
