So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
