You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize