you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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