Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
