ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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