you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
