last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The feeling are messing with the penis
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
