3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I looked at my own cervix.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
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