I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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