Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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