you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
