I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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