omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
