i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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