While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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