I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
