You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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