Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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