So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
