Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
