do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
