I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
