roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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