I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
