be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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