I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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