dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
