he shaved USA in his pubs
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
