things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
