Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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