I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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