I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
