Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You ruined the universe
Randomize
