You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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