he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
