I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
His nipple licking is glorious
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