If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
