I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
