just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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