In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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