It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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