i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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