I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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