I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
