oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
