I'm jealous of your bromance
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
