I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
