Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
