So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
