am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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