I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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