his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This is my gift to your gina
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
