she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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