When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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