I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
